What Does A Real MAN Look Like?

  • What Does A Real MAN Look Like?

What Does A Real MAN Look Like?


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An email I received, and the circumstances I faced in my life inspired me to write this book. The email read:

“Hello, Enrique, my name is Brittany, and I am looking for real love. I am so hurt and frustrated. My last three relationships have sucked the life out of me. I am just sick, tired, and fed the heck up!!! One guy was married and never told me, the other ran up my credit cards, and the other is on the down low [living a gay lifestyle]. I had no idea. What does a real man look like? Please help me. I am a frustrated woman with a major issue.” Brittany

I must be honest. I have never given a thought to the question proposed to me. Why would I? I know I am a man, doing my manly duties, so I thought. When asked the light bulb question, I realized, I was in the dark. I was just as lost as Brittany, countless women, and countless men. I pondered on this question for what seemed to be an eternity; then, I accepted what could not be denied, Enrique, “You do not have a clue how to be who you are supposed to be. You are in this role, and you are learning about it as you go.” Talk about frustration and confusion.

My story is no different than lots of told and untold stories. I was raised in a single family home and was forced to be the man of the house at the very young age of fifteen. The absent of my father or a responsible male figure led me to admire what was before me. I was drawn to men with no direction. These individuals painted and lived a lie that I accepted to be true. Where I grew up – in the hood of Brooklyn, New York, the young males were all fathered by the same man – Scarface – AKA – Tony Montana. I loved my adopted father. I mimicked him to the best of my ability with my talk, walk, and swagger.

My insecurities and low self-esteem played a crucial role in shaping and molding who I was and who I was becoming. The rejection I felt as a child led me to look for love in all of the wrong places. Then, it happened! I found my real father. I located the man who I could identify with, Nino Brown. This character and movie, New Jack City, spoke to me and made sense of my environment. I found my purpose in life {Drug Dealer}. I learned how to treat my family {Fear Tactics}. I learned how to love {Self Centeredness}.

Throughout my teenage years and early adulthood, the image of my Dad {Nino Brown} was imprinted in my mind. I became what so many others have become, a misguided missile. In my ignorance, I waged war on the respectful family structure. This weapon of mass destruction shattered what I should have had value towards, my family. It gave me a sick viewpoint as to how a woman should be treated and respected.

In 1999, my profession changed. I became a concert and party promoter who worked with and promoted shows for some of the biggest names in entertainment. My business changed; however, my mindset did not. I was awarded the name, Tone Capone due to my gangsta approach. I was very successful business-wise, but I was bankrupt family wise causing me to end a marriage which destroyed my relationship with my children.

I was in a dark and depressed place, and then God sent me an Angel. I met a woman who captured me, and I rapidly grew in love with her. I never knew love could be so amazing. Our relationship was on such a high, but it hit a low point due to the imprinted image of my Dad in my mind. Again, I was losing everything around me of value. The struggle was difficult. I was torn between what I knew and what I did not know. I knew the life I was living was wrong. On the other hand, I did not know the steps to take towards a better life due to fear. Many of us fear the unknown, so we stay where we feel safe even though it is not a safe place.

My life took what I thought to be a turn for the worse when my Angel told me, "I don't know what you're going to do, but I am not living like this any longer. I am going back to be in a personal relationship with God. I am leaving this life alone." At that point, I was left to make a migraine decision that was going to forever change my life one way or the other. I chose to pursue love over money and fame. It was by far one of the toughest decisions I ever made. "Where am I going? What should I do? What is next?" were just a few questions that raced through my mind. 

I was on a journey with no road map and no navigation system. I looked for ways to hitchhike a ride to my new destination. Help! Somebody, anybody, help me is what I felt stranded in my fears. With all of my screaming for help, no one answered. To say I hate getting lost is an understatement, but knowing and accepting the truth is the first step to discovery and change. This realization was a bitter pill to swallow. Imagine how challenging it was for me when I embraced the reality, I knew nothing about manhood. Picture how it was for me when I determined to abandon my belief system, demolish my foundation and rebuild. I was a total mess. There were dust and debris all over the place. I was under construction. The role of man is quite a difficult task; especially when you do not have a point of reference.      

Again, I became a bastard. I was illegitimate. I was fatherless. One day, my Angel, who is my wife today, asked me a question that internally changed the course of my life, "Do you know God? Are you in a personal relationship with God?" My response, "Yes, I believe and pray to God." My reply proved that I was not in a personal relationship with God. So, my future mother-in-love came to the house and introduced me to my Heavenly Father. This Father and son relationship shattered my shakable foundation, and now, I stand on solid grounds. Here is my Praise Report. My wife and I have a marriage made in Heaven, and my children and I have a beautiful relationship. Thank, You, Jesus! This book is loaded with strategies giving to me by our Heavenly Father that has saved my life, marriage, and my relationships. I am forever grateful!

Never underestimate the power of a question. Brittany’s question started my journey, and Katrina’s questions changed the course of my life. I can honestly say, God, used these inquiries to bring me into a personal relationship with Him. We have the best Father in the world Who loves us despite our shortcomings.